The Jesi Quests: The Quest For Baby Jesus
by Fire Angel Mike
Summary: Everything and Anything all into one cray-cray storyline. Can you handle all of its swag? Enter if you dare to find out :) It began with violence, and it ended with Oblivion. Multiple Jesi (Plural form of "Jesus") are battling each other to obtain an heir that can only carry on one of their legacies. Who will win? Which Jesus will obtain Baby Jesus?
1. The Title

_**THE KING OF REFERENCES**_

_AND OTHER THINGS INTERNET, MOVIE, COMIC, VIDEO GAME, TELEVISION, AND BOOK RELATED_

_Special Appearances by Catholic, Jewish, Mormon, and Baby Jesi (Plural Form of Jesus), Santa Claus, God, Vishnu, Buddha, Zeus, Jupiter, Odin, Satan, Mr. Hanky Poo, Farore, Din, Nayru, Nyan Cat, Keyboard Cat, OMG Cat, Bruce Willis Cat, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, Taboo, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ansem the Wise, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, King Mickey Mouse, Russell Peters, Gilbert Gottfried, Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, Every Single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, Hulk Hogan, Shoop Da Whoop, Christian Bale, Warwick Davis, Ricky Gervais, Karl Pilkington, Steve Merchant, Walt Disney, Nathius Cassius, Brutus Maximus, Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, Suicide Man, Nintendo Caprisun, White Boy 7__th__ Street, FPS Russia, Freddie Wong, Epic Meal Time, Ian Hecox, Anthony Padilla, Ray William Johnson, Lord Tourettes, Yap Lap, Brody, Schmoyoho, Animonster, Pico, Fancy Pants Man, Ownage Pranks Guy, OrpheusFTW, DikeKike, Niga Higa, Nice Peter, Epic Lloyd, Deadpool, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Captain America, Daneboe, Azekahh, Derpy Hooves, ACRacebest, Master Splinter, T.O.M., Master Chief, Captain Price, Viktor Reznov, Captain Ahab, Lauren Faust, Christopher Nolan, Peter Jackson, Joss Whedon, Michael Bay, M. Night Shyamalan, Batman, Kevin Bacon, Tim Burton, Tom Hanks, Tim Robins, Sandra Bullock, Bret Favre, Eli Manning, Paden Manning, Mark Sanchez, Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neil, Kobe Bryant, Jeremy Lin, Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, David Wright, Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson, Every Other Mainstream Athlete, Michael Phelps, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen Degeneres, and Mr. Jimmothy_


	2. 1: NA 1

"Pa, I'd like to go fishing!" Tom Sawyer asked his father Michael Keaton. "Well son, if you go fishing," Michael Keaton said, "that means that you're a little bitch with a chode for a cock." "Okay! Let's go then!" Tom remarked as he saw Tim Burton lurk about their window. "Why is Tim Burton there, Dad?" Tom asked as Michael Keaton looked in horror at the man. "You don't own me anymore, Tim!" Keaton yelled as he shielded himself with his son's own body. "I'll get you back Keaton! I always will!" Tim yelled. Johnny Depp came into view as well and Tim continued, "Don't forget your counterparts, Mike! Johnny here has plenty, all who are willing to capture you." All through the door came Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd, Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Ichabod Crane, and Captain Jack Sparrow led all. "I'm a pirate, savvy," Jack mumbled as he drew out his sword. "And I also control myself savvy," he added as he took Keaton and his son through the back door and escaping on his Black Pearl with Peter Pan from the ABC Channel show Once Upon a Time and Long John Silver the space cyborg pirate. Losing Tim Burton and his minions, they ran into another ship boarded with Donkey Kong, Rainbow Dash, Dovahkiin, Caesar the Ape, The Archangel, Will Smith, Eragon, Saphira, and Michael Scott, who were led by Catholic Jesus. "What's your quest, savvy?" Jack asked Jesus. "My Neo-Apostles and I are on the quest of finding Baby Jesus, my past counterpart." Jack withdrew and said, "That's what we're set sail for, savvy. We work for Mormon Jesus, not Catholic Jesus, savvy." "Then we have a problem, savvy," Catholic Jesus said. He continued, "There will be peace for now, but if we run into you again, you best be prepared for a fight." "Pa, I'd like to go to Catholic Jesus' side," Tom Sawyer told Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton replied, "No son, you are American, and if you were to choose sides, you would go to Mormon Jesus, the Jesus of the Americas. And we are to be neutral in this quest for Baby Jesus, for we have my counter parts to deal with." Michael "Archangel" Richards sneaked behind Saphira and rammed a spear up her anus and yelled, "Fools! I am a double agent, for I work for Mormon Jesus!" He flew onto the other ship and they disappeared into the dark night of the ocean. Eragon tried to heal Saphira with his magic and was greeted by Arya who whined, "But you're not strong enough." Eragon glared back at the woman and complained, "Bitch, please. You're an elf, so you can heal her properly with your advanced magic." "Oh, okay," replied Arya while she was sticking her hand into the anus, which was pooling with dragon blood and diarrhea. A light came from her hand inside the anus, stopping the flow of poo and blood. When the healing was almost over, Saphira gave out a cry with flames bursting from her mouth. The poo and blood were replaced with dragon vaginal fluids that Arya found orgasmic and licked it all up. Saphira had a smug look on her face, for she had came. "Caesar is mad!" yelled the intelligent ape. "Caesar no get to stick Caesar's hand in dragon ass." "Don't worry Caesar," Catholic Jesus replied, "you'll get yours soon." Caesar stared at him in awe as Jesus gave him a wink. Meanwhile on 4chan, some clopping fur fags were writing out the fake continuation of the story since The Archangel betrayed Catholic Jesus and were turning it into a My Little Pony clop fic, all hoping for a fucked up artist to draw out scenes of the story once he reads it. Well step aside low lives, because this is what happened. The Archangel stabbed Saphira in the thigh and went off to the other group, sailing into the nigger night of the blue ocean. Eragon healed Saphira, and Rainbow Dash tried to follow them but was stopped by Catholic Jesus who said that Monstro would eat her in the darkness of the sea. Meanwhile on the other ship, Michael Keaton fell asleep dreaming of his two main counterparts, Betelgeuse and Batman. The Archangel secretly conversed with Jack Sparrow, Peter Pan, and Long John Silver, so quietly that not even the Peeping Tom could eavesdrop on what they were saying. Once disbanded, the four checked on Michael Keaton and woke him up from his nightmare, John Silver saying, "You piss your pants, you'll feel a warm sensation upon your thighs that will soon become a cold sensation." "You can't ride the Black Pearl for free unless you work for Mormon Jesus, savvy," Jack Sparrow said. "I am with Mormon Jesus savvy," Michael Keaton replied. "You said that you weren't before, savvy," Jack Sparrow said. "I've changed my mind savvy," Michael Keaton declared. "Oh, okay savvy," Jack said. Keaton added, "I have caught your Savvy AIDS, savvy." Jack responded, "No, savvy. Mine is Savvy Cancer, savvy. Captain Hook gives out Savvy AIDS, savvy. Savvy Cancer makes you say it once in each sentence as long as you're implying someone, savvy. Savvy AIDS makes you an uptight prissy little school girl bitch like Captain Hook, savvy." "Is there a cure savvy?" Michael Keaton asked. "You can't talk for 24 hours and must dry hump a blood or soul relative within that time savvy," Jack answered. "Tom, get to humping, savvy!" Keaton ordered his son. "Fuck no, savvy," Tom Sawyer said, and soon realizing that he had Savvy Cancer, he became obliged to dry hump his father. The two began their work. Meanwhile Mormon Jesus approached Thanos immediately after the secret ending of Marvel's The Avengers and proposed an alliance that would benefit them both. "We may be allies, Mormon Jesus, under one condition," Thanos said. "You must bring me the one that they call Runka Chunk, otherwise known as Rina Chan. She is the key to everything, and once I have your word, I will partake on your side of the Quest For Baby Jesus." "Delicious," Mormon Jesus replied.

**THE END? NO. BUT YOU HAVE TO WAIT, THOUGH, BITCHES!**


	3. 2: NA 2

A drunken Spike looked at Twilight Sparkle and Rarity through the doorway of the house and greeted them. Shadows made by his own head cast over his face, making no emotion visible. "Spike is drunk again, and he's going to do something to you Rarity," Twilight mumbled. "Who?" Owlowiscious asked. "Not if I get to you, first!" Pedo Bear said coming from behind Spike. "Give it to me! Who says that I can't lead?" Rarity said with the smell of daisy whine on her breath. She jumped on Pedo Bear and started dry humping him vigorously. Even he couldn't handle it, but it was too late to stop the madness. Twilight grabbed Spike and put him on her back to ride away. Spike took an inhale of his weed and said, "Far out dude. Want to fuck?" … You guys should get the vibe that this is Spike from the series. "No Spike!" Twilight answered. "We can fuck later after we get Rainbow Dash and Applejack is finished cumming." While not looking, Twilight ran full speed into Discord's statue and left a crack in it. Discord was freed and SHIT JUST GOT REAL. "Hello," he told Twilight, who immediately ran away in fear into Fluttershy's cabin. "Fluttershy," Twilight said, "Discord is freed, Rarity is drunk and dry humping Pedo Bear, and Spike is high!" Rainbow Dash flew in- WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. Rainbow Dash was last seen on the Catholic Jesus ship! What is she doing here? Hmmmm, continuity…. I know! That Rainbow Dash is the Dash from while this Dash is the actual Dash OMG LOL I HAS ZEE CONTINUITY! Anyway, Rainbow Dash flew in through the window and yelled, "LOUDER!" Fluttershy replied by whispering, "Yay," and both were led by Twilight to Canterlot to find Princess Celestia at her throne being held hostage by Voldemort. The Dark Lord screamed, "NYAAAAAHHHH!" and disapparated with Celestia. Princess Luna came into the room and asked, "Where's my sister?" Morgan Freeman sitting in a comfortable armchair by a fireplace in a library answered her, "Voldemort took her hostage, and according to the script, Nightmare Moon, your counterpart, will come to take you too." Nightmare Moon came and took Luna. Celestia came through the doors and asked, "Where's my sister?" and looked in horror at the full moon. A crazy look went on her face and she looked back at Twilight, Rainbow, and Fluttershy. She was in fact Molestia and the real Celestia was taken… or was she the real Celestia? She grabbed Fluttershy by her long pink hair and faced her back, which was dripping with Molestia's drool and saliva. "Have you ever had a horn up your plot?" Molestia asked violently. "Yes," Fluttershy answered, "I have had a horn up my plot, at least in … wait that was my counterpart." Applejack from then teleported in with the Pinkie Pie and Deadpool, masters of the dimensions- the ones who truly know that there is a script- and said, "Fuck you, I can eat all of these apples!" Pinkie Pie, the one from series, broke the fourth wall shortly by helping a fur fag clop for a minute to this story and returned back with Mike the Microphone and Azekahh who were reading it on their Youtube channels. Those guys will read anything, but will they survive?! And if they're still reading, that means that it's their counterparts from an alternate universe in this story OMG LOL I HAS ZEE CONTINUITY! The two fended off Molestia by summoning their brony brethren Yap Lap (Solrac), Saber Spark, and ACRacebest (Race) and together they grabbed her flowing cosmic hairs and threw her into Morgan Freeman sitting in his armchair narrating back and forth between the lives of penguins and what was happening. She molested him by clamping her hooves around his junk and started jerking him off at the speed of light which turned them into pure energy allowing them to teleport somewhere… alone… he never stood a chance ( ). With their chance, the actual Twilight, Fluttershy, cum-filled Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie from , Deadpool, a molested Pedo Bear, and the now arrived Applejack, Dr. Whooves, and Big Macintosh teleported to the universe of the Jesi. The Brony Brethren remained in Equestria to fend off even more, but that's another story! Meanwhile Mormon Jesus was searching for the Runka Chunk, and once he arrived in the New Grounds Multiverse, he found the fat beast working on another shitty flash, trying to be stopped by Tank Man and The Sarge, who both sounded familiarly like Lyle from Sanity Not Included…. Anyways, he proposed ultimate power to Rina Chan, the power to make all of the flashes she wanted to. She and her crew accepted and became the allies of Thanos and Mormon Jesus. In another place, Michael Keaton and Tom Sawyer were done dry humping without talking, but the Savvy Cancer wasn't cured! "Oh, that's right savvy," Michael Keaton said. "I adopted you, savvy. We're not blood related savvy. I must find my Batman counterpart, savvy, and dry hump him without talking for 24 hours." "I think I'll do the same with Willy Wonka to cure myself, savvy," said Jack. Jack and Willy began to dry hump each other. "SHIT SAVVY!" The Archangel exclaimed. "I HAVE SAVVY CANCER, SAVVY! I must find John, The Demonic Angel, savvies, and dry hump him too." Meanwhile on the Catholic Jesus ship, Donkey Kong, Caesar, Curious George, and Mogilla Gorilla schemed for a monkey conquest. They must get their ultimate weapon, King Kong.

**AFTER THIS, I'LL START MAKING CHAPTER NAMES**


	4. 3: Which Story Will You Read First?

3: Which Story Will You Read First?

The actual Twilight and Applejack were… fucking his mother, Marty McFly was in the past and licking her tight prissy anus, which was younger and hotter than his present day mom's. "Mom, I never knew that your pussy used to taste so good," Marty said being muffled by his mom's body. The Chris Eccleston Doctor then arrived in his TARDIS and asked if he could be part of their intercourse, but was answered by Ms. McFly's wailing. She was… separated from the rest of the group and greeted by a shady figure. "What are you?" the thing rasped. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is Applejack," Twilight said with a friendly tone. "I'm Batman," the Dark Knight rasped as he moved out of the shade. "We need help finding the Elements of Harmony to stop Discord!" Twilight exclaimed. "I'm the help that you deserve, but not the help that you need. You are… cumming and Marty felt the juices go into his mouth. The Doctor pulled Dr. Emmett Brown out of his pocket- full sized person, by the way. When Marty and his mother were done Doc Brown said, "GREAT SCOTT! Marty, you fucked your own mother! That's some serious shit!" "I know, Doc, this is heavy," Marty said. Then a rumbling occurred and Rina Chan who was about to eat Dex, Lyle, Nina, and Amanda lifted off the house's roof. Just as they were out of her hand, the Brony Brethren teleported out of no where and caught them all and brought them to the ground with the help from Nintendo Capri Sun. Rina Chan shrunk down to her normal obese size and told the bronies, "Guys! It's me! Rina Chan! I'm a brony like you!" "You overrated piece of fat ass horse fucking shit!" yelled Peter the metal man known as Indestructo, one of the Archangel's followers. "You're not a real brony, you just get your hands on anything with a huge fan base and fuck everything up! Once you found out how popular bronies became and how there were cool ones, I bet you said, "Oh boy! Another crowd to join! I can care less about this fucking show!" You are… capable of finding these elements on your own, as long as you stay away from the Jesi Quests and find your center counterparts." Deadpool and Pinkie Pie from came from an alley, and they were like, "Sup guys? We weren't having sex in the alley." Deadpool overheard Batman's advice and said, "Well someone read ahead of the script." Pinkie added, "Yeah, why do you do that? It spoils everything!" Batman nodded and soon Robin slid down a stripping pole wearing sexy fag clothes and asked Batman, "When are we going, honey?" "Get back in the kitchen and make me some nachos bitch!" Batman yelled at Robin. Then the Batman from Batman: The Brave and the Bold yelled at Batman, "BATMAN DOES NOT EAT NACHOS!" Soon Twilight noticed that they were on Sesame Street and Baby Bear came out screaming, "PAWAGE!" and was greeted with Robin's Savvy AIDS. Elmo took out his gun and shot at people. Everyone disbanded and no one died, Twilight was with AJ and Batman. Before leaving, Batman said, "There is a script to our lives. My research indicates that a dimensional being controls what we do, and plans our futures. For all I know, he has made this Multiverse corrupt and shitty. You must bring him down to our level of dimensioning and kill him while he is mortal. Otherwise, he can make Nazi zombies overrun the place." Batman just gave me an idea, and what happens now is that I write about the Nazi zombies teleporting with Hell Hounds, killing the Batmen and Fag Robin. Actually no. I like Batman too much to kill him off. I'll even keep Robin from the Adam West Batman alive. I don't like killing off characters in general, and if you don't like it, then can you please take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! (BTW, that was Tom Cruise's line from Tropic Thunder- yeah when he was the overweight hairy douchebag producer). By the way, it's the Christian Bale Batman. Then why is he with Robin? He's the Christian Bale Batman from this link- you won't be sorry ( watch?v=1-GkQihKYvM). Everyone escaped, but now the DC world is being overrun by Samantha Maxis, and little does she know that her enemies are… fucking pathetic!" Runka Chunk filled up with tears and yelled, "Fine! If I can't be part of the Bronyhood, or New Grounds, I'll stick with Mormon Jesus! For I will find Baby Jesus and eat him, and shit him out for Mormon Jesus!" She quickly grabbed one of Peter's party members, Takeo Masaki, and blasted off into space with her shit-flying powers and left everyone else. "NO! OUR LITTLE BUNDLE OF BADASS HAS BEEN TAKEN!" Dempsey yelled. "Do not fret, American," a drunk Nikolai reassured Dempsey. "Nothing a little vodka cannot fix!" "NO NIKOLAI, YOU FUCKING RUSSIAN RETARDED DRUNKARD!" Peter yelled at him while he was already pouring out vodka shots with Dex, Lyle, Nina, Amanda, Dempsey, Marty, Doc, and the Doctor. "We have to stay serious now! I need to regroup with my friends and brother, and you guys also have shit to do with Rina Fucking Chan!" Just then, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Doctor Whooves, and Big Mac teleported and interrupted the shots. The Doctor and Doctor Whooves closely examined each other, realizing that they have a way to rid of Savvy Cancer if they ever got it. The ponies ran off with Marty, his mother, Doc Brown, and the Doctor while Peter took Nikolai and Dempsey to get back Takeo and find Richtofen, for all of them were Peter's responsibility. The Sanity Not Included Group had their grudges against Rina Chan, but the Brony Brethren had to go with them to make sure that they wouldn't do that much harm to Runka Chunk. However, little did they know that the Rina Chan they were protecting wasn't necessarily the Rina Chan of Earth, yet instead she was the Rina Chan from Newground's Street Fighter: Chode. Nintendo Capri Sun was… scattered across the Multiverse! Samantha had her grudge against the super soldiers and Richtofen. Even though he was good, Catholic Jesus approached Sam from his ship and proposed a peaceful truce between them. He promised her Richtofen's blood, and she gave him her zombie army. Batman ditched the Robin that was never his sidekick and grouped with Anne Hathaway Catwoman, Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern, and Zack Snyder's Superman. They went off to the Green Lantern planet to prepare contact with the animated Young Justice universe. Twilight and AJ were teleported with Pinkie and Deadpool somewhere and I am lost in my own writing. Writing two perspectives at once is confusing, and it's hard to keep up with so many characters. If I can suck it up, you can too. Batman said to everyone, "We are… confused where to go, for he wanted to regroup with the Runaway Guys. For now, he chose to stick with the bronies and the Sanity Not Included group and would entertain them with his video game gameplays and commentaries. Azekahh, being a fanfic reader, would be one of the very few people who would understand the concepts behind this story's quantum physics and continuity. In other words, he knows that one of his alternate selves is in the story's author's dimension, as did Mike the Microphone. However, the only way that his alternate self could affect the story is if the author lets him write some of it out. Azekahh, Mike, this is me, the author, talking to you. That's not going to happen. You know why? BECAUSE I WRITE MY OWN SHIT NIGGAAAAAAAAAAA! You stick to reading, and I stick to writing. K? K. Love you 3… facing the end, people. We need to keep our sanity included, unlike those dumbass screw-ups that have no problem with sleeping together and anyone else. K? K. I'M BATMAN."

**THIS IS THE END. K? K. FUCK YOU ALL. :3**


	5. 2-2: What The Bronies Did In Equestria

2.5: What The Bronies Did In Equestria

Just as everypony teleported from Equestria, a dark cloud emerged from the wastelands behind the Everfree Forest. The bronies looked into the distance to spot the clouds moving on their own, and ponies running away in horror. Soon, a split within the clouds revealed Demise, the Hyrulian god who eventually is reincarnated into Ganondorf. Behind him lowered starships of the Galactic Empire of Darth Sidious, along with the Ring Wraiths from Lord of the Rings. Demise lowered to their level within the castle and threw a harmed Link in front of them. When Demise was about to strike at the bronies, Link got up and started fighting him, as if he were being forced to do whatever he was doing, forced by some higher dimensional being, none other but the one and only (within his own universe, at least) Nintendo Capri Sun. How is he brought down to their level, though? He isn't. Instead, he is an alternate NCS below the actual NCS's dimension. But how is he brought to Equestria? That's another story! When Link was pinned in a corner and Demise was about to strike him down, Molestia teleported back with a wounded Morgan Freeman and a confused NCS and she jumped onto Demise in a manner where they crashed through the wall and fell down the cliff's side while she stuck her horn up his godly evil ass. Now dealing with the Ring Wraiths, Race and Paleo held Saber in place and let go of him as Solrac threw him at the Ring Wraiths with his sonic booming scream. Saber, with a sword in hand, managed to chop off all of the dragons' heads, both necks and penises. He landed on a starship and began running on it in an anime fashion whilst deflecting lasers with his sword. When the Ring Wraiths recovered and were on the ground, Osama Bin Laden teleported into the Equestrian Universe while riding on top of a hijacked plane from American Airlines. The plane crashed into a majority of the ring wraiths and Osama jumped off after he surfed it and shot some shit up. For some reason, this version of Osama had a Buster Sword, Marcus Fenix's Chainsaw Gun, Darth Maul's lightsaber, Vinyl Scratch's Bass Canon Gun, and Squall's Gunblade. With the double lightsaber in one hand and the Buster Sword in another, he rushed at the storm trooper ground troops and cut shit up and deflected shit left and right. The whole fleet was dead within 6 minutes. Saber meanwhile broke into the starship and ran along and killed fuck tons of storm troopers and saved J.J. Abrams' Spock and Kirk and Joss Whedon's Buffy Summers, Faith Lehane, and Angel. Together they took over the ship and opened fire on the ship's incestuous metallic brothers and sisters in which some happened to be its mothers and fathers and uncles and aunts at the same time. However, though Osama's intentions were unknown, as the author I'll admit to you that he would have blasted the ship Saber was in even if he knew Saber was in there. With Vinyl's Bass Canon, he vaporized half of a ship and caused it to crash into the one Saber was in. Saber and the others evacuated safely, and Osama wrecked whatever shit was left to wreck. On the ground, Spock approached Osama and said, "Live long, and prosper." Osama stabbed Spock in the gut and he began to bleed out. Spock regenerated though because he did not want to die, but rather live long and prosper. The herd of bronies gathered everyone and teleported them to protect them from Osama. Some of the bronies went back in time to the occurrence of Marty McFly fucking his mom, while Faith, Angel, and Spock were teleported to Captain Jack Sparrow's ship.


	6. 4: Archangel is a Double Agent Agains

4: Archangel is a Double Agent Against Catholic Jesus For Mormon Jesus, But Actually A Triple Agent Against Mormon Jesus For Catholic Jesus, But Overall Is A Double Agent Against Mormon Jesus AND Catholic Jesus For The Eden Universe's Jesus.

Jack was cured of his Savvy Cancer, but he still referred to every guy as "savvy" once in a while. As for Michael Keaton, Tom Sawyer, and the Archangel, they were not so fortunate. Jack walked up to the two Whedon creations and asked, "Where have you come from?" They said that they came from Equestria and were bombarded by Ring Wraiths and the Empire's starships. Jack became terrified and admitted, "It appears that Jewish Jesus is stronger than we have thought. He has made alliances with Sauron and Darth Sidious. We must inform Mormon Jesus right away." John Silver from Treasure Planet activated his robotic arm to reveal a 2-foot pink dildo by accident. He embarrassingly put that away to reveal a communicator, which turned the room into a virtual reality. Everyone stared at him forcing him to justify. He said, "What? That dildo was me mum's, and I hold it very dear to me sentimental heart." Mormon Jesus appeared through the communicator as if he were in the room. "John Silver, I apologize, but I urge you to be quick, for I need to heal a group of our followers of Savvy AIDS." "It's me, savvy," Jack assured Mormon Jesus. "We bring news of Jewish Jesus. He has entered the battle for Baby Jesus, allying himself with the Galactic Empire and the mighty Sauron." Mormon Jesus was slightly stern, but calmly answered, "That is quite alright, Sexy Jack. I have created sexual relations with Thanos and we have his Chitari army, which reminds me. I have a task for you and your crew Sexy Jack. I need you to search out the one known as Runka Chunk- Rina Chan. Bring her to me, please. It has appeared that she is a lone wolf in this battle while I thought her to be an ally. Find her and get her shit together and bring her to me once done." Faith stepped forward and said, "Wait, how can you be sure that Sauron and Darth Sidious are with Jewish Jesus? We were held captive by them and heard nothing about that." "Who are these people, Sexy Jack?" Jesus asked. "They teleported onto my ship randomly from Equestria," Jack answered. "I don't like the vampire slayer's open mind. Archangel, could you be a dear and kill them for me?" Archangel answered, "My Lord, with all due respect, savvy, killing anything with a soul is against my moral code." Peter Pan pushed him and screamed, "Stop being such a fucking pussy you thin-skinned antisocial twat! Kill them!" Tom Sawyer punched Michael Keaton in his piss-hole and ran outside while turning John Silver's communicator off. Archangel shoved the three outside onto the deck only to see Tom jump overboard onto Huckleberry's Raft with Jim and Mark Twain. After the three pushed Archangel to the ground and before they were going to kill him, he frantically whispered, "I'm not going to kill you, savvies! I work for Eden Jesus, neither Mormon nor Catholic Jesus, savvies! Let's get out of here savvies!" Jack shot Angel which made him angry and get his vampire face on, Silver shot Spock but he didn't die because of his desire to live long and prosper, and Peter Pan rushed at Faith only to get his balls kicked so hard that they went up his esophagus and out of his mouth. Archangel set the ship on fire and said, "FOOLS, SAVVIES. I am a triple agent for Catholic Jesus, savvies!" while quickly whispering to the others, "not really, savvies," and continued, "This ship belongs to Davey Jones now, and so do your souls, savvies!" He gathered the three close to him while sneakily pinching Faith's fine ass and teleported out of there. John Silver ran to the side of the ship and said, "Alright, savvies! Time to go to my ship!" John, Jack, and Michael Keaton jumped into the half-lifeboat-half-spaceship and flew off with Peter Pan flying at their side, choking on his testes. Michael Keaton asked, "What about my son, savvies?" Jack regretfully said, "I'm sorry, Keaton, but your son didn't show loyalty to Mormon Jesus when he ran off. We can't get him." Keaton grew sad, for he actually cared for his adoptive son. Archangel and da crew ended up in the Eden Universe's Earth and Faith smacked him for pinching her fine ass. Archangel looked smug and bobbed his eyebrows at her, she was immediately turned on and bit her bottom lip, and they began to make out. Angel got upset because he missed Buffy and realized this universe cancelled his show at season five (WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS A CLIFFHANGER ENDING FUCK YOU WHOEVER PRODUCED THE SHOW YOU COULD HAVE JUST GIVEN JOSS THE ANSWER INSTEAD OF CANCELLING A SHOW BY WHICH YOU RECEIVED A FUCK TON OF RATINGS FROM AND JOSS HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE CONFIDENT IT WAS A GREAT SHOW AND SEASON FIVE WOULD HAVE BEEN A MASTERPIECE IF IT WEREN'T THE LAST SEASON BECAUSE IN TRUTH THAT SEASON DID NOT WRAP ANYTHING UP SO FUCK YOU PIECES OF HELL HOUND SHIT FOR CANCELLING SUCH A GREAT SHOW I DON'T CARE SHIT WAS WRAPPED UP IN THE COMICS I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING READ THE COMICS IT'S NOT THE SAME WITHOUT DAVID BOREANAZ YOU CUNTS. I have a man crush on David Boreanaz .). Spock went to a rave and overdosed on 69 ecstasy pills but didn't die because he still wanted to live long and prosper. A drunken Anna and worried Elsa brought Spock back to Archangel's penthouse where he just finished having 24 hours of sex with Faith. Elsa was turned on by the couple's sweaty appearance and squirted icicles just by seeing them. After she came, she explained that she and her sister were brought to this universe through a curse that Angelina Jolie's Maleficent cast upon them. No one gave a fuck. Spock, Anna, Archangel, and Faith passed out in the sweat-filled bed and cuddled the fuck out of each other. "Why does no one give a fuck?" Elsa complained. She cried but eventually heard a sexy voice say, "I care, baby." She turned around to see Jack Frost from Rise of the Guardians and he said, "I'm part of the Big Four, but stakes have risen and I need to expand my group to be the Titanic Twelve. Wanna join, sugar tits?" Elsa came icicles once again just by hearing his sexy voice. He commented, "You really need to get out more. You cum more easily than a confused adolescent horny boy rubbing up against a wall." She told him to wait for Anna because she needed to protect her little sister. So basically, Archangel had a slumber party. Nat, Indestructo's older brother, and Jeffrey, Archangel's cousin, walked into the penthouse and observed the boisterous activity. Nat's anus grew tighter than ever through his anxiety while Jeff changed into his comfy "you'll shoot your eye out kid" A Christmas Story jammies with Ralphie's face and a Red Rider BB gun placed randomly all over them. Jeff jumped into the sleeping pile of beauty, living long, and prosperity. Nat couldn't sleep though, for he needed to find is brother. Yet again, Elsa looked so fucking hot and he and his brother could be shipped with the two sisters from Disney's Frozen. Now there would be a love triangle between Nat, Elsa, and Jack Frost. However, Jack is also greatly shipped with his Big Four companion Rapunzel, so she would be added to the mix. Yet Disney's Rapunzel is also shipped with Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon, who is also shipped with Brave's Merida, who is also shipped with Jack, who is also shipped with Hiccup as a gay couple, and Rapunzel is shipped with Merida in a lesbian relationship, and even the two sisters from Frozen are shipped together! But Rapunzel is also paired with Eugene and Hiccup is paired with Astrid, so, yeah. SO MUCH SHIPPING I SHIP ALL OF IT! It will get complicated and full of drama later, but in the end, I'll just write in a huge fucking orgy. I actually need to sleep now because I have an AP US History Midterm tomorrow, and it's 2:10 am. G' night, guvnah.


End file.
